I told her I was going to write about this
Oct
24
When we were at the birth the other night my student and I were both fresh off dinner at Chipotle.
Chipotle = Gassy people who fart.
Long labors bring out the gas in midwives. I don’t know why. One of my friends says its an adrenalin thing. Another said it’s because we freely fart all day long but when you’re in someone’s house you notice it more because you’re trying to hold them in. Maybe we should commission a study. I’ve never been to a birth with anyone who hasn’t been gassy. It’s really hard to ignore a fart slipped into a stern order for postpartum pitocin from an otherwise stoic midwife. Or when you’re driving through the Front Range in November at 3am and the midwife friend in the car nonchalantly rolls down the window just long enough to recycle the air. Or when your assistant lets one squeak out with the sound similar to a balloon leaking at the exact same moment you’re complimenting a father on his unexpected work as a doula supporting his wife who is barfing into a bucket.
Chipotle + Long Labors = Midwives and students with gas who fart.
The student went to the mother to have a listen to her baby’s heart tones as she floated in the tub. Just as the student approached her, the dog came in through his doggy door and sat attentively nearby. The strain of leaning over the tub caused the student to let out a SPD (silent but deadly). The mother shrieked, “OH MY GAWD! Would you JUST get the dog OUT.OF.HERE?!”
Later that night we watched the poor old dog hobbling around in the cold, dark night feeling sorry that he was wrongly blamed on the gas and was now freezing because of it. We thought the hobbling was due to the age of the dog and temperature outside. Dog arthritis. Turns out he only has three legs. Three legs. The student was horrified, but I don’t think she will confess to the fart.
October 25th, 2006 at 1:18
“Silent but Deadly’s” are the worst. For some reason I’m gassy in the morning time, no matter what I ate the night before. I’m not setting a good example for my three kids as I fart through breakfast right at the table. I always blame it on them too. How bad is that? Um, excuse me please just now.
October 25th, 2006 at 6:57
Lol, the poor dog. I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard.
October 25th, 2006 at 11:15
Hi Frectis – thought I’d stop by and say hello to a fellow mountain-type.
Funny stuff. Where I work, gassiness is more a badge of honor than something to hide. Hell, if you can blow one that makes everyone else run away screaming, it’s worthy of accolades.
Ian
Stop by and say hello
January 8th, 2007 at 8:04
Fuckin’ hilarious!