FRECTIS

I just Googled “positive pregnancy test” and don’t get this blog in any of the entries on the first 7 pages of web or blog results.  How I am being found for that ONE entry of my misreading and subsequent personal freak-out is beyond me.  Again Smart People of the Internets, if you need to Google for the directions of the pregnancy test you just took, DON’T LOOK HERE.   GO TO THE WEBSITE OF THE TEST PRODUCT YOU JUST TOOK.  Seems easy enough.  Sheesh.  Quit busting my balls over it.  Take a deep breath.  Move along.

Guest comment from “K”, regarding this oft-misunderstood and anger-inspiring post, “Surprise!“:

You really need to take this down or edit it. As many have said, this comes up right away when you google positive pregnancy tests. I knew it was negative right away but my sister didn’t and freaked out. You really expect people to read your entire (and might I add idiotic) blog post to find out if this is real or not?! Why would they do that? They aren’t searching for blog posts to read, they’re searching for info. Plus no one would expect it to be a joke, why on earth would they? Do you google for a quick answer on something and then say, Wait I better read the entire attatched article first, you know , just to make sure it’s not a joke. Because we all know how common that is. And all you have to say is “Well you should have read the directions.” You CLEARLY didn’t though! At least the people wondering are mostly teen girls, you’re a full grown woman and still got it wrong. And also, keep you’re bullshit puritan advice about ‘waiting till you’re older and married’ to yourself. That’s none of your business at the least and really self righteous and ignorant at the worst. The truth is, you keep this up because no one would visit your pathetic little blog otherwise and I can almost guarantee you this is your most read post, due soley to people who LOST directions (otherwise wouldn’t that be the FIRST place they would look for answers?!?! DUH!) or never had them in the first place, as one girl mentioned, so they had to google images. One last thing, don’t quit your day job (if you have one). Your writing sucks and on top of that you refuse to change something that has caused people problems (which you of all people SHOULD understand, that is, a false positve) for the selfish reason of wanting a few more strangers to read about your boring little life. p.s. I am glad you were not pregnant, because anyone as dumb and selfish as this doesn’t need any more. Plus, your oldest one sounds like an annoying little brat.

Jesus, you are the most awesome dumbfuck to visit my blog in ages.  THANK YOU!!

It never ceases to amaze me how people take a pregnancy test and instead of reading the directions, they come here and read this almost four year old post called Surprise!, then freak out because I am giving “bad advice” and tricked them into thinking they were pregnant.  If my post is among the first ones you see when you google info on how to read a pregnancy test that tells me there are a lot of idiots out there who aren’t practicing safe sex and relying on a GOOFY tongue-in-cheek blog for medical advice.  Sounds like a good idea, yes?  Um, no.

Officially I will not be editing the post to make you feel smarter than stupid (like I felt when I took my test and read the results wrong).  And I will recommend you leave a simple pee-on-the-stick test to the professionals at Planned Parenthood.

Kthxbai.