Monday I had a physical for nursing school. My vitals were good. Heart, lungs, and belly sounds good. No tumors noted (phew!). Eyesight 20/20. Then came the part where you perform for the nurse practitioner. She observed my gait to make sure I could walk. Then she asked me to bend over and reach for the floor as low as comfortably possible. She was skeptical when I told her I’ve got leftover flexibility from gymnastics, but then I bent over and put my palms flush with the floor and was no longer a skeptic. Then she asked for a squat. Surely my 40 year old knees can’t handle that. So I squatted like a midwife who’s assumed that position through 400 primip births and she declared me capable of performing the basic duties of a nurse.
I also had a chemistry panel to look for how my kidneys and liver were functioning, what my cholesterol levels are, and immunity to childhood diseases and/or vaccine stability. To finish off the appointment I had a TB test and a tetanus shot. My right deltoid STILL hurts.
Two days later I went back for the TB test to be read and the blood results. Nothing was back. So I had to go back a third time. All my labs were great and I’m immune to measles, mumps, rubella, and hepatitis B. Missing was the varicella (chicken pox) results. I had to have another blood sample taken because the lab assistant didn’t check the box for that one and I had a horrible case of chicken pox when I was 12 that I’m sure I caught from sharing the balance beam of a teammate in a different squad who had them, two weeks after I had Scarlet Fever, which totally ruined my trip to Six Flags doesn’t suffice as satisfactory proof of the disease as far as hospitals are concerned. Let’s hope I show up immune to that because I’d rather not have another vaccine, especially not one that is in the $100 range for the uninsured.
Today marks the five year anniversary of my friend’s death six weeks after having her baby. It’s crazy to think she has 10- and 5- year old daughters and is not here to see them grow up. I’m sure her older daughter’s heart aches for her mom and the little one has no idea what she’s missed. I know my heart aches every time I think of her. It’s almost impossible to think of her without my eyes getting misty… thinking of all we’ve missed of her.
The three clients I saw today have birthdates that of March 5, 6, and 7. Mine is the 4th. And without realizing that I saw them in birth order. How weird is that?
I attended two births in one day, almost exactly 12 hours apart. One was due last month, one was due this month. One boy, one girl. One woman surrounded by family, the other with only her husband. One noisy, the other quiet. One totally uncomplicated, the other almost completely complicated. One born in the water, one born on a stool. Both babies born at home, one woman stayed put, the other went to the hospital. One didn’t need any help, the other needed all my help. One didn’t, the other one did. One didn’t tear, the other needed to be cut. One baby came out screaming, the other needed resuscitation. One baby nursed all by itself, the other needed a lot of assistance. Both moms are stable, tired, and happy. Both babies are stable, warm, and fed. Both families are at home. One midwife is extremely sore, tired, and grateful.
And crabby.
When I had to take my client to the hospital for her [minor, outpatient] complication [outside my scope of care] she requested a specific hospital where I know no one. Yes, the one whose L&D has midwives but where the doctors hate them but are stuck with them because they are an HMO. The ER doc evaluated her and said, “Yep, I know nothing about obstetrics and gynecology. I’ll see who is on call.” Which sounds about right to me. The doc on call came in with a shitty attitude. In her defense, I suppose getting called out of bed at 4am WHEN YOU’RE ON CALL FOR THE SERVICE IS A BIT UNEXPECTED so you have to be a bitch to everyone in the room to drive home your point. And YES I know an obstetrician much more friendly than you who would gladly provide the service requested BUT HE DOESN’T WORK AT YOUR HOSPITAL. DEAL WITH IT. Is it too much to expect the unexpected when you work at a hospital? Shouldn’t you be ready for people to walk in off the street asking for help in the ER after something unplanned happens to a person? If I could schedule my problem births in advance using my handy standard issue Crystal Ball for Obstetrics with the friendly doctor so as not to fuck up your demeanor beauty sleep, I would have. ‘Cause frankly, being up since Friday when it’s now Sunday blows as far as I’m concerned, but you don’t see me throwing a stink eye your way. So, a million thanks for your assistance, I’m glad you were nice to my client and took your disdain for ‘cleaning up the midwife’s mess’ out on me instead. I wonder how much better she would’ve liked to see my client arrive by EMS for a crash section with a hypoxic baby transferred to the Level III NICU instead? Yeah, I think she’d prefer this mess over that one.
I had one lunch time water baby born and while doing the clean up from that one, the next woman due called in labor. I’m laying low… was supposed to have date night with my husband at my hair stylist’s birthday party (he is her personal trainer). He went alone and I’m trying to outscore my step-sister on Bejeweled Blitz.
I have too much fun! ::: rolling eyes :::